I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
