OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
