On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
