We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
