I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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