if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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