I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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