I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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