How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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