paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
