you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
