how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
