1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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