i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
