Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
