do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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