Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
