remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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