The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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