Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
