I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
