She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
