Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
