So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
