Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
