I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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