She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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