I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
