I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
