We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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