Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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