thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
