This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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