you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
