You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
