I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
