You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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