wat bout pragnant strippers??
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
