i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
