I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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