3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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