If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
