I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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