Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
