is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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