i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
