On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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