Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
