Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
