in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish my penis had a tongue
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
