Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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