he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
