At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just want to make out with him forever
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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