it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And then my night got REAL pukey
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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