Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I checked into jail on foursquare
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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