I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
